"Summer, Ft. Lauderdale" – a twist on Billy Joel

They say that these are not the best of times, but they’re the only times I’ve ever known.

With the economy getting worse, more and more houses foreclosing, gas prices increasing daily and people getting laid off, life’s tough. Let’s face it. From the millionaire on Wall Street down to the hourly worker at the local fast food joint, no one can seem to catch a break. People are looking for second and third and fourth jobs to afford hovering bills and responsibilities. Meanwhile, they are spreading themselves so thinly that they can’t seem to balance anything. Friends that once meant the world now mean dittily squat. Jobs are wearing us ugly.

And I believe there is a time for meditation in cathedrals of our own.

To cope with it all lately, I’ve been running. I joined a gym to lose some lingering, yet very much unwanted European weight, but mostly, to keep my sanity. Day in and day out, I observe heartbreaking court hearings – of parents rightly separated from their children, of children who are criminals, of people who can’t get their acts together to be responsible. On top of it all, I am attempting to balance a paying job, an internship, LSAT review, family time, friend time and general life (whatever that means).

By the time I pull into the gym parking lot, I am already thinking about my playlist for the day. Will it be hardcore rock for the treadmill, Top 40 for the elliptical or house for the StairMaster? No matter what it is, I can assure you it will be ear-shatteringly loud and it’s gonna push me to push myself until my bones are rattling under my skin, my face is as red as a cherry and my sweat is drenching my clothing. With the assistance of my iPod playlist, my thoughts from the day give me an extra “umph” to literally go that extra mile.

I run for every child whose parents can’t complete simple case plans. I run for those who are stuck in shelter because child advocates don’t follow through with court orders. I run for the kids whose parents are just unwilling to take care of them. I run for the frustration of mixed messages. I run for the traffic that holds me up on Broward. I run for myself. To ease the pain of those who have hurt me, who have forget to call or text when they say they will, who keep things secretive, who have forgotten about me, who have returned to ex-girlfriends, who have used me, even though they say they feel awful about it.

And now I have seen that sad surrender in my lover’s eyes, I can only stand apart and sympathize.

While I run and blow off steam, bouncing in my Nike Shocks to the beat of whatever’s beating in my ears, I come to terms with the fact that the world is simply too big for me to conquer completely. People will let you down, parents won’t complete their case plans, friends will be the ones to hurt you most and excuses saturate courtroom hearings, e-mail inboxes and text messages. Though I can’t justify it, I can recognize it.

Often, though unknowingly, we set ourselves up for failure. Our high expectations are not even on other’s to-do lists, and actions that seem too good to be true, typically are. We are told to expect the unexpected, but more common than not, it’s the usual expected that we get.

As I run, I can remove myself from me and fairly empathize with myself, accepting that occasionally people will shock you, but until then we have our iPods blasting music and our own two feet. It’s almost symbolic. On the elliptical, I run nowhere fast. The wheels are spinning – on the machine and in my head - many miles in 45 minutes. By the end, I have accepted that you can’t change anyone but yourself, yet I feel accomplished, even proud, of the strides I have made myself and in trying to.

For we are always what our situations hand us. It’s either sadness or euphoria.